A Gift for Your Loved Ones:
The Advanced Care Planning Story
I vividly remember that day in the hospital. I saw my dad’s shoulders drop a relieved six inches when the social worker told him of the hospice assistance that would provide comfort and care for my mom at home.
Years later, I realized that was the day the seed of an idea for A Gift for My Loved Ones: Advance Care Planning was planted, and I began envisioning a second chapter in my professional life.
Advanced Care Planning: A Gift for Your Loved Ones was a presentation a coworker and I developed to make end-of-life decision-making less agonizing and instead a time of acceptance, equanimity, understanding, and choice.
A Personal Family Story of Sadness,
Then Comfort and Relief
Cancer. That’s what my mom had. And she was terminal. I had been with my dad the day he received this news.
A week later, he called me with agony in his voice. “They want to do all these tests and procedures,” he said. “I told them no. They just couldn’t tell me how any of that was going to help.”
My father’s despair and helplessness as he described the irony of more care with no solution resonated with me. So did that image of him feeling relief as the hospice social worker offered assistance – assistance for comfort and support not only for my mother but also for my dad.
Our family was fortunate that professionals stepped in to provide this help. But had we thought things out well in advance of my mother’s diagnosis, those grueling early weeks of decision-making could have been avoided.
Importance of Family Conversations
A Gift for Your Loved Ones: Advance Care Planning discussions demonstrate the importance of the family and medical team conversations in which you discuss your wishes for end-of-life treatment. I speak with patients, families, chaplain groups, the clergy, and senior groups and work as an Advance Care Planning Facilitator for various organizations that support communities, doctors, healthcare providers, and the State of New Jersey.
Time-sensitive markers signal when to start these discussions: when you become 18, when your children become 18, when you get married, have children, when you experience any life cycle event or face a change in your medical status. Beyond those markers, it’s wise to revisit these conversations every five years.
With consultation, families like yours are able to ask informed questions. At the same time, you are able to discuss and explore your medical options with both the people you love and your medical team and make choices that are in alignment with your wishes and values. Through these discussions, you and your family are also able to understand the delicate balance between emotional and financial decision-making.
Thinking ahead about end-of-life goals of care from a financial perspective, for example, helps you protect your family from making urgent, spontaneous decisions under duress that could devastate their future financial security. These considerations extend to pre-selecting funeral services to help safeguard the monies you wish to set aside for your grandchildren’s college tuition.
A Gift Like No Other
I have seen first-hand the benefits to patients and families when they have a voice in making their healthcare decisions. Having regular discussions with your loved ones and choosing a healthcare proxy who honors your values and decisions is one of the most important gifts you can give to your family.
Let me help you take this important step.